Even though you disagree, do not refuse to listen." TANZANIA

"Lets have a talk." How many innocent and not so innocent negotiations started off with those words. It could be your wife or your boss, and no, they're not the same.  

Does anyone disagree with the Tanzanian proverb? I'm sure you can find a few people who do. You'll always have that ten percent, no matter how good the advice is. 

Any two people are bound to disagree at some point in time.

 Someone very close to me taught me a long time ago that "if you ever see two people who agree on everything, all the time, one of them is crazy."

The inescapable truth is you have to listen to the other person's or side's opinion. If you genuinely want to solve a disagreement; your best bet is to stop talking and start listening. You can't just brush people aside, - well, you can ignore them, but it won't turn out well. This rule carries more weight when one person has more "power" than the other person. Examples are a Parent to Child, Boss to Employee, or a Government to its Citizens (remember where true power comes from).

Listening, not talking is first step to having a real conversation. Celeste Headlee gives some very interesting tips on having conversations in the TED Talk below.

Ignore people at your own peril, they're going to get their point across, some way or another. There's always less pain involved when you listen to the other side. Things start to get sketchy when people feel they're being snubbed. 

Equally important, if you want to get your point across, let the individual you disagree with know why you disagree with them. The easiest way to get people to see your side of the story is to listen to them.

It may seem crazy, but when people know you're giving them your undivided attention. When you can repeat back a summary of their main points so that they know you're serious. If you ask them curiosity-based questions to get more information - you're demonstrating openness and respect in a compelling way. That in itself can go a long way towards solving problems.

What do you do to solve disagreements? Do you have any special techniques for listening to the other side? 

See you later. Be careful out there.

About the Author David Robinson

Hi, I'm David Robinson, sharpened in Japan, and polished in the Sanctuary. On a relentless mission to watch out for my Tribe, and share what I learn along the way.

Follow me

Sign up for more great content!